I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
