Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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