I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
