I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
