Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
