Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
