I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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