does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
