Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
