I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
