I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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