i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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