i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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