First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Come on in and take your pants off
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