Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
