My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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