My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
