We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
