I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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