im about as happy as oj after his trial
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
