tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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