i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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