I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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