For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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