I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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