She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
