puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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