He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
