the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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