We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
