u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
