I bet he comes in French.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
