that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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