I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
