shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
