South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
