I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
