dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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