I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
