There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
