Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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