i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
