i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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