All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
