Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you never un-have a 4some
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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