....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
