I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
