my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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