Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
