Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
